


Glass-like Heart

by CiellaAnderson



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Author doesn't even know why she wrote this, Author is giving unlimited hugs for this one, Dark stuff so please turn away if you don't want this type of content, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unfinished work but should be a hopeful ending once I work on this again, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:34:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24842356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiellaAnderson/pseuds/CiellaAnderson
Summary: The heart is like a glass. Fragile. It breaks easily in the slightest violent force. That's how Kaoru's heart became after Hikaru left him.
Relationships: Hitachiin Hikaru/Hitachiin Kaoru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. Cracked

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work from 2015 exported from Wattpad. :)

_It was one summer afternoon when everything started to crumble..._

I felt really uneasy. It's 3:30 in the afternoon and I'm home alone.

Hikaru went out an hour ago, saying he met an online friend who lives nearby. He told me he'll only be gone for a few minutes but to hell with that minutes...He's exceeded his mark.

It's not that big of a deal when he goes out without me but today's a bit...different. I don't even know why but there's this uneasiness that washed over me when he went out. It's unbearable.

I glanced at the grandfather clock. Great, it's 4:00 already. I whipped up my phone from the pocket of my jeans and speed dialled Hikaru. There's the common ring but it's never this annoying when it reached the sixth ring.

He answers my calls on the third ringー

I began to worry.

He always answer my calls in no more than seconds. Did something happen to him?

All sorts of crazy ideas flew inside my head that I didn't even realize that a pair of similar eyes is already so close to me. I blinked.

"Kaoru? What's wrong?"

I almost did a double take. When did heー?

"What the hell, Hikaru!?"

He raised a brow, "You're staring into space."

I was? How long was I staring then? Wait wait waitー

I immediately fixed him a glare who in return stared back at me in confusion, "You! What time do you think it is?!"

The nerve of him when he shrugged it off, "It's just a few hours, Kaoru."

"You told me you'll only be out for a few minutes!"

"It's not like I have to do as what I say...Besides, it's just around the neighborhood."

Ouch. That stung. He always made sure that he'll never leave me for very long."But still! You were never like this before. You made me worry, Hikaru...You never come home later than what you intended to say..."

What made me freeze over was the next sentences that came tumbling out of his mouth...

_"I_ _'m just your twin brother, not your lover. Please quit that mother hen attitude, Kaoru. It's getting on my nerves."_

...It's as if I was dumped with ice cold water on the head.

"Th-that'sー"

"I'm going up. I don't want to hear whatever you're going to say. Also, don't stick to me when we're out of the host club. I hate being close to you. We're not kids anymore." And with that, he left me alone.

...My heart literally stopped. It's as if it painfully cracked on some edges...

Tears trickled out of my eyes in no more than seconds. I can't stop it.

It hurts.

I hastily scrambled out of the couch to go after him. I can't accept this. I want an explanation!

"Hikaー" I suddenly tripped on my own foot, crashing on the floor painfully. "Hikaru!"

...He didn't spare me a glance. Not even slowing his pace to indicate he heard me falling down.

_It hurts..._

_It hurts that I can't even feel my heart through the numbness..._

**つづく。**


	2. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You left me to be slowly killed...

_I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to..._

It had been days. Hikaru started getting more and more distant. Whenever we're the only ones left, he would always make a point to avoid me. There are times he would snap at me for just a simple mistake. Or he would ignore me when I need help with something. I feel horrible whenever we would do our act infront of the ladies.

It's all it was. An act. He would act as if he cared. As if the physical contact is genuine. As if I'm still his precious brother...

I could feel the terrible ache in my heart coming back...

People are quite naive...They don't know what pain each companion have. Aren't we all excellent actors and this world is our vast stage?

I mask my growing pain with a poker face and go out of my comfort area to embrace the stage. That's how my world is rolling now...

Act and make it your realityー

"Are you alright, Kaoru?"

I blinked thrice, the question sinking in. I looked around and saw that the ladies were looking at me worriedly as well as the other hosts who stopped tending to their guests.

...How long was I dazed?

"Kaoru?"

An automatic smile came up to my lips as I faced Hikaru. Lying is my sweet reality...

"Yes?"

"You were dozing off, Kaoru. We've been calling you for awhile now...Is something wrong? Do you feel sick?"

I had to bite my tongue to stop the bitter laugh I wanted to bark out. Being twins entitles us to acquire the same talents. See how good he is in acting? I almost believed he's worried about me. Tch. Of course it's a bonafide act.

_Hikaru stopped caring that one summer afternoonー_

With that fake smile plastered on my face, I answered without a falter, "What makes you think that, Hikaru? I'm perfectly fine."

He looks at me unconvinced, but I knew better than to believe at every expression he shows. I can't let myself be fooled...

I'll only be hurt if I allow his acts to get into me...

"No.You're not fine, Kaoru. Something's bothering you."

Wow. It sounded as if it's a genuine concern.

...I could feel my eyes burn. Oh no. I can't let them see. I can't let my guard down.

"I-I'm fine. Really. Just...Can I go out for a moment? I think I've overwhelmed myself to an extent."

"O-oh. Uhm, yeah, sure. Want me to come with you?"

"No, no. Just stay here. Host aestethic, remember?" The tears are starting to form...I can't break down here. Not infront of him. I need to get out quick.

"But, Kaoruー"

His phone suddenly lit up the moment he got up from his seat. I shouldn't be affected at what I saw but I can't stop my heart from shattering entirely when his wallpaper wasn't the usual us, but him and Haruhi. Judging from the photo, it's a recent one.

Waitー

The attire Hikaru was wearing on that photo...

It's the one he wore that afternoon. Th-then he lied? It wasn't a neighborhood friend. Even under the excellent disguise, it was Haruhi.

It's as if I was stabbed right through my heart with a poisoned dagger.

"Y-you lied..." I unconsciously muttered. He looks at me with a troubled expression, opening his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

I laughed, not giving a damn at the tears that finally rolled down my cheeks. I don't care anymore. That ache in my chest has finally grew into a full-fledged pain. It's starting to get unbearable...I need to get out of here. I need to get this off my chest.

"Stop the act, Hikaru. We both know that this is all a lie."

"What are you talking about, Kaoru?"

I chuckled bitterly. Playing innocent, eh? "Oh come on. Once we're out of here, you'll never want to be a width's distance around me. Tell them _brother_. You can easily replace your own brother for a girl. Come to think of it, you hated me, right? Because people thinks of us as incestous homo twins. It ruins your reputation. Am I right, _Hikaru?_ "

He resembles a deer caught in the spotlight. No matter how I wanted to feel sorry for him, my pain wouldn't let it be. I want to make him feel the same pain.

"K-kaoruー You've got it all wrong. I love you. I love you more than any girl out there and yー"

"Wow. Such brilliant act _my dear brother_. I wonder how much you got under your sleeves. Are you going to cry too? That's a sight to behold."

Everyone gasped at what I said but I could care less at what they're going to say. The pain is too unbearable now...

"This is not you Kaoru."

"Of course it's not me. It is the monster you created. The monster you're facing now. Are you happy at how I turned out, Hikaru? Because you should be."

Before he could mutter another word, I darted out of the music room.

_I need to relieve this pain..._

**_つづく。_ **


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't save someone who has fallen...

_I can't be saved now..._

I couldn't feel my body through the searing pain. Everything is too much.

The blade slid against another unmarred skin. Would you know? The blood looks spectacular...Now I understand the beauty and fascination of this sinful act. Before, I was terrified. Terrified of seeing too much blood. Terrified of getting hurt.

But...I'm different now. _He_ created this monster. _He_ locked _his_ own twin brother in the pits of darkness.

 **I've never been this happy**.

I feel free. I feel happy. I feel...

... _misearable._

I sliced another unmarred skin on my upper arm, the blood flowing out in a gush.

How many have I made anyway? 5? 10? 20?

I lost count...

Nothing matters to me now. Not even my own life. Why would it matter when I am condemned to darkness by my own flesh?

...He was the only one I had. My brother. My best friend. My guardian.

And yet, he left. Replaced me with someone else.

I slid the blade again, my vision becoming more fuzzy as the blood poured out in streams. I vaguely heard footsteps coming towards my stall but I ignored it, of course. This is what people wanted to see, right? The famous trickster heir of the Hitachiin family committing self-harm.

I heard voices...Familiar ones. But my ears felt like they've been stuffed with cotton and my throat drowning with foam.

The door rattled violently. What the hell do they want?

I stood up, unsteady on my feet as I reached for the latch. It was quite a struggle...I mean, my body is starting to lose against gravity and the more I force myself to stand, the less I'm keen to cooperate on instincts.

And finally when the door came undone... _He_ 's there. Face that was flooded with relief morphed into delicious horror at the sight of me.

I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Laughed so hard even though my lungs are burning. Even though my arms are dripping with so much blood.

"Couldn't you just leave the act, _Hikaru_?" I sneered. "There's no audience and it's just the host club. Dropping your mask wouldn't matter."

"We need to get you to the doctor, Kaoru!" He said. Tch. Still won't drop it, huh?

"And what if I don't want to? What are you going to do? Leave me alone? Tch. Stop it. I don't want your pity."

"What are you talking about, Kaoru? I am worried sick! How could you hurt yourself like this?"

I scoffed, "Really, _Hikaru_? Drop the fucking act. I don't need your concern anymore! I can take care of myself!"

And right just as he's going to say something, my vision blurred sporadically. Black spots danced around my eyelids and eventually, I fell. Fell into endless darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> 6/21/2020 Author's note:
> 
> I have started the process of exporting all my Wattpad works to AO3. I wasn't able to do this a decade ago because we had no PC and it's hard to copy paste most of my works from Wattpad (I typed my works using the mobile app) with all the technicalities I have to fill out in here. Haha! But now, we've got a PC and I'm trying my best to get everything here.  
> I have no beta, so I'm trying to check all my grammar lapses and spelling errors as much as possible. The majority is unedited since my writing prowess back then is much more desirable than now :u:
> 
> Reading through all my old works feels like going home briefly to the fandoms I've had before settling in Bungou Stray Dogs. Wow, my childhood was a wild ride.
> 
> Additional - I was in a really dark place when I wrote this fanfic. It was at the year where everything started falling around me. My relationships were failing, the family was in shambles, and I had no one to turn to. Writing this was my only outlet to survive. While this should have been a private piece, I still published it on Wattpad to help people understand that this suffocating feeling is real. I may sound cruel, but it was honestly the only reason I could come up with. It still is even now. 
> 
> If anyone needs it, my DM/comment box is always open. You can talk to me. I am willing to listen.  
> You can also find me at Twitter. My handle is @tainteddisgrace and @anothercieee.


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